Zlatan Ibrahimovic Should Come to the MLS Because I Watch it and I want him to

Major League Soccer needs to sign Zlatan Ibrahimovic.  There is no question--this needs to happen.

If Qatar can get the world cup, the MLS can get Ibra.
If Leicester City can win the Prem, the MLS can get Ibra.
If Donald Trump can run for president, the MLS can get Ibra.
This needs to happen.

As a one-time fringe-fan of soccer, I paid little to no attention to the MLS.  It was buschleague.  It was lower-tier.  That all changed one day when a dulcet-voiced man-dime by the name of David Beckham decided to leave one of the biggest clubs in the world to bequeath his awesome to the US soccer scene.  It-made-me-pay-attention.

Now to be fair, Ibrahimovic does not have the same level of star power that comes along with a Beckham.  My girlfriend surely knew who Beckham was, and I have no doubt that the words "Zlah-tan e-BRO-heem-o-vich" would convince her I speak a second language or just confuse the hell out of her.  Beckham's star shined far beyond the futbol pitch.  Ibra's power doesn't resonate as far in the states.  But that still doesn't mean that the MLS shouldn't be sending the finest Swedish chocolates to Zlats' doorstep(s) on the daily.  Here is why...

The MLS is commonly referred to (in my domicile) as the "No-Defense-League" or "NDL."  Yes, MLS defenders are talented in their own right, but let's be honest, how many designated players in the MLS are pure defenders?  The talent is noticably skewed towards the other end of the pitch.

Why is this important?  Well, I'm trying to explain that.  If Ibra can score 38 goals in Ligue 1 this past season, he could probably triple that if playing in the We-Don't-Like-to-Spend-a-lot-on-Defenders-League.  Someone like Beckham was brought it to contribute, but the majority of that work was meant to be done mostly off the field.  Ibra could contribute in the same way but do so via highlight reels.

Imagine Zlatan muscling around defenses, heading everything in his direction, dropping bombs, and bicylcle kicking his way into ESPN top-tens.  Soccer-fringe fans and fickle American sports enthusiats who could never enjoy 0-0 matches regardless of the level of play, would be delighted with the abuse Ibra could dish out on a weekly basis.  He would put balls in nets and butts in seats.  Weird sentence.

The Swede would be the greatest designated player signing of all time.  The current crop of DPs just isn't cutting it from the "wow" factor perspective.

Sure, David Vila, a.k.a. NYCFC, is still phenomenal, but the Swede would blow him out of the water.  Adrea Pirlo is great to have around, but could never make the same impact off of the field than he could on it.  Frank Lampard...wait...I don't think he is actually in the MLS yet. Is he?  Giovinco is great but will never grab the attention of the fringe.  Kaka's skills are being wasted away in Orlando. Even the US Men's National team DP's aren't enough to capture the "I only watch the World Cup" crowd in its entirety.  The MLS needs a rockstar.

Of course because I dished out $80 for the MLS League Pass, I'm a tad bias.  I want all of the stars to come play in the United States. Seeing Ibrahimovic go anywhere else would break my littler heart.  The only Premiere League team I would want to see him to go would be, of course, Manchester City or Leister City, who I've been a huge fan of since September 2015.  Seeing him go to rumored Manchester United or Arsenal would just bum me out.  Even worse, seeing him become the next victim of the Chinese Super League spending spree would be equally as lame.

I'm not sure I care where he would end up, but I would prefer it not be the LA Galaxy.  It makes sense why they want him, but they're already three DP's deep and have an otherwise already well-rounded roster.  If the MLS was smart (or has any control over it) they would place Zlatan on a team in need of star-power.  European stars on MLS teams make them worth watching.  Did I give two shits about the Montreal Impact before Didier Drogba showed up? No.  There were no shits given.  But now that he is playing in Canada, I'm intrigued and tend to tune into games.

I don't have a clue where he would interested in playing if given his choice of MLS teams.  All I know is that it would be most interesting if he played for a team that was already talented but was short on star power--the former champion Portland Timbers would make for a most intriguing landing spot.

To try and guess where he might land in the MLS is somewhat idiotic considering he hasn't made the decision to come here just yet, but it's fun to think about.  Time will tell whether he chooses the States, but this is one non-fringe United States born soccer fan that sure would enjoy it.

Come to the US Ibra.

Destroy shit.

I'd be tuning in.

The Beautiful Game and the city of Manchester

I know.

You're not shocked at all.

Of course this is not my first blog.  How could it be so fresh? How could the content be so relavent? How could you be feeling as if you were lost your entire life and now you're feeling at home.

It's okay friend.  You're safe now.  Fall into my arms.

My first blogging experience was creating/writing the "greatest" sports blog ever to be blogged.  It was my obsession for some years.  But like all good things, it had to come to an end.  I got burnt out.  It was a downward spiral that could only be rivaled by an 80s hair-metal band...too much too fast too soon...

The admiration.

The drugs.

The women.

All of these pouring in abundance onto my plate and inevitably falling over the edges.

That blog was about "football" and not "futbol" and was super "popular" and not "new as fuck" like this one is.

Somewhere around the end of that blog's lifeline, I began taking less interest in "football" and more interest in "futbol."

And that my friend...is where this story begins...

The Beautiful Game

I probably owe my interest in soccer (I'm from the United States so get over it) to two individuals: my good friend/ex-rommate Greg, and the dog I convinced my parents to buy themselves because I really wanted her, Praline.

Greg was big Manchester United fan and had the patience of a saint in explaining the rules, tactics, and beautiful aspects of soccer.  I was naive young girl seeing the bright lights of the city--I enjoyed what I was seeing but was mostly oblivious to what was going on.

Watching Manchester United was exciting.  I could only imagine it to be like a new baseball fan watching the New York Yankees when first getting into the sport.  They were noticeably better at doing whatever they were doing than other teams, and even some of their players were noticeably better than everyone on the pitch, even in the eyes of this "soccer virgin."

My parents' dog, Praline, proved to be a comparable side-kick in getting me into soccer.  When your fresh out of college, living back at your parents' house and unemployed, there are few better joys in life then waking up with "your" dog at 11:00AM in an empty house to turn on Fox Soccer Channel and watch AC Milan games.  Come to think of it, I could have sworn that I watched AC Milan games every day that year...always in my parents' basement with Praline lying on my chest....and always at 11:00AM.  But really, this seemed like my daily routine for at least four months.  Did Praline and I enter some sort of Serie A wormhole where time was distorted and Italian league teams are playing games every day at 11AM Eastern US time?  Not positive...but it sure felt like it.

Praline and I got super into AC Milan that year.  And while she remains an avid Milanista, I was drawn back to the city of Manchester....

The Beginning

Much like the geographically scattered sports teams I already enjoyed, I was always drawn to characters in soccer.

I remember liking Joey Barton.  Yeah I know.  He was always slightly insane and something about that intrigued me.  At the time I would have said that I saw a bit of myself in him.  Now I would say, I wish that I could have seen a bit of myself in him--the true IDGAF (I don't give a fuck) attitude.

I remember really liking Micah Richards.  We were around the same age when I first started taking notice of City, and although this wasn't unique to Micah or City, I found it inspiring that someone so young could already be starting/playing at such a high level.

Manchester, in a strange American kind of way, still felt like home after watching so many United games, but City felt more like more of my own thing.  They weren't nearly as prestigious as United, but I really dug that.  Did I really want to jump on the bandwagon of a team that had been perennial winners for the last decade?  No.  A mid-table team was more my speed.

The Free Kick

Seemingly out of nowhere, I caught wind that Manchester City were just bought by some rich oil bro's from the middle east.  They weren't here to mess around and they were going to start buying players immeditaly.  Bye bye mid-table club of my dreams.  We became a super-power overnight.  We were going to purchase every player on the planet.

Give me the Beckhams of the world.
The Ronaldinho's.
The Pele's.
The Madonna's.

We didn't Posh Spice's husband.  We didn't get a legend.  We didn't get a super-old legend in order to sell tickets.  We didn't get an 80's pop singer.

We got Robinho.

Now, I didn't know much about Robinho at this point.  I knew he played for Real Madrid, and Real Madrid were really good, and I that we paid a boat-load of money for him -- so it's not like this guy was going to suck.

I would argue that he did go on to suck, but I must give him credit for the moment that I fell most-deeply in love with Manchester City.  I get chills and slightly aroused every time I here this phrase...

"INSTANT HERO"

This was the first time in my sports-watching history that I witnessed visual poetry.  I don't know how to not sound cliche, but this moment took my breath away.

Robinho was to be the first of many big-name saviours that were going to turn Manchester City into the England version of the Galacticos.  I was sure of it. And I was sure happy that it was happening at  this time to a team I had taken a liking to. It was a most convent coupe.

The Day

What I thought would happen over night (Step 1. Get money - Step 2. Buy 11 stud players Step 3. Collect league trophy) took a bit longer then expected.

The journey was a fun one though and I remember, fondly, watching more characters move through the ranks.

A young Vincent Kompany.

Craig Bellamy

That one shitty Paraguian striker.

The tall/lanky Brazilian striker I referred to as Simply "Jo."

Elano

Sean Wright Phillips

The Now

The season just recently ended and it was an interesting one. By all means, City have underachieved for the stature they now possess, but next season should shake things up.  Along the way, we signed one of my favorite players in Kevin De Bruyne and spent most of the season contemplating what Pep Guardiola would do to the squad.